Snack Fail (aka I was Rope-a-Doped by a treat)

Why are all of the things I treasure most in this life heartlessly taken away from me? Crystal Pepsi? OK Cola? Chocolate Pudding Pies? Surely, if there is a hell one of its levels must be a grocery store whose shelves are lined with the fallen delicacies of days gone by, but guarded by the Beast and the Harlot...forever taunting us with eternal snack-denial. One of my all-time favorite diabetical delights was the Hostess Choco-Bliss. This small yet influential snack cake featured two chocolate cake slices, with a layer of whipped chocolate frosting in between and topped with yet more chocolate frosting:

 My blood sugar is rising just thinking about them. Imagine my elation when I was wandering the aisles of our local supermarket when my eyes happen upon a new addition to the Hostess lineup:

 

Could it be? My beloved Choco-Bliss had returned from beyond the grave? Callooh Callay! We eat nostalgic snacks today! I could barely contain my excitement as I scurried about the store to finish what non-snack shopping I had left (there wasn't much) so I could hurry home to indulge in the treats to come. With a spring in my step and two dozen Ding Dongs in my trunk, I sat down to savor the bliss (chocolate or otherwise) to come. The package opens...3? Count them...1...2...3 Zingers! Choco-Bliss only had 2 cakes in their package...take THAT downsizing! 

Over the lips and through the gums...my mind raced with thoughts of yesteryear's chocolate frosting. Finally, the moment was upon me. The first Zinger is away...and....

FAIL

SNACK FAIL

What the fuck?! This isn't a Choco-Bliss! What should have been dense chocolate cake with light, fluffy frosting was almost stale chocolate cake with equally dense, flavorless topping that had all the texture of modeling clay. It tasted like the plastic it was wrapped in. I checked the expiration date and these were indeed current. I had become the victim of a horrible, horrible ruse. Hostess had taken all my most cherished memories and raped them in pure Michael Bay fashion. Horrified at once again being forced to live in a world sans Choco-Bliss, I forced the remaining two snack cakes down my gullet, thankful that I could at least still surrender myself to the loving but fickle mistress that is the Hostess Ding Dong.